My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
