Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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