I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How does one acquire holy water?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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