Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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