I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
