farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
