Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
