I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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