Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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