what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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