Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
