I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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