I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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