whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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