glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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