Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
