dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
