We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
