I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
