pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He shit in the fireplace
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
