I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
