Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
