Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
