if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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