I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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