She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize