I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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