she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
