I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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