someone threw a dead crab at me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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