And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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