I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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