I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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