I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
