oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
