In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
