I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
