You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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