and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
