proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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