I wannas sexs uuuuu
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
