I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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