I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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