the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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