go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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