PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
