I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
