I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
