Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
