it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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