where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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