Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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