Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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