I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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