so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize