when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
