Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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