So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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