DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
