My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
