I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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