nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
