these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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