is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
