John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize