I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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