Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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