well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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