I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
