No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She bit a glass in half.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
