I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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