I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
