12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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